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Open and honest
What a joke
We are closed and deceitful
Cold and hungry
Lost and lonely
I am many things
But honest I am not
Not to myself
Not to my life
Not to my love.
July 2012

It may sound bizarre but I was really lost and confused how could reading a book make me doubt that I loved my husband?
I craved something different, something powerful, something raw. It was nothing in particular that he did wrong or that I did wrong it was a feeling, a craving, a longing for something else….. But what exactly? I didn’t know but I was doubting my love for him, my commitment to him, I was doubting I could be with him forever.
But I felt nervous to write about it, I had so many words running through my head, so many emotions I needed to get on paper but I couldn’t…..what if he found them, what if he saw…. He was in Abu Dhabi but I still thought, what if I’m being silly….we might be fine, it might be a faze so I couldn’t write these feelings down, he might find them in the future then know how I felt. Oh I was struggling, battling with myself and I couldn’t figure out if I was winning or losing, all I knew was, I was hurting and I was so very confused.