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I’m sorry I stopped you growing

I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance

I wanted to try

but Mike knew best

he is young, talented

and has a world of opportunities.

I know what I did was the best thing

for you and for Mike

But it was the worst thing for me.

I can’t live this way

I am meant to be strong

but I am weak

I was stuck

I couldn’t cope with you dying

but I couldn’t cope with raising you on my own

I know my family was there for me

I am weak because I couldn’t do it.

I love you

I miss you

I regret not allowing you

the amazing life you could have had

I will never forget you.

Written 2005

I wanted to have the baby and I never even considered abortion until I was about eight weeks pregnant. I didn’t even think it was an option, I knew my family would help me but I couldn’t go a head with it knowing Mike didn’t want to do it. Okay he would have had a part of the child’s life but he didn’t want him (I have always thought of him as a boy). Mike’s parents were divorced and he had always promised himself he would never do that to a child and I couldn’t do it on my own. He was a pilot and wanted to travel the world, in fact we had broken up a week before I found out I was pregnant because he was going overseas, I was gutted. I have an amazing family so I guess I also started thinking about them and how important they are in my life so yes I wanted children but now, with this baby it was not to be.