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Trying to sleep is hard

I feel guilt all around

I keep thinking of you

and the person you could have been.

A life was taken away

was ripped from getting to grow

I just wanted the best for you

I know I will be a good Mum

and Mike an amazing Dad

now was not the right time

but why then can’t I be glad.

A child should grow with the love

of both parents by their side

for unconditional love

with undivided attention

for when you speak your first word

for when you climb a tree

for when you ride your first bike

and then, for when you fall and scrape your knee

I wanted for you the best

and now at this time

it would not have been achieved.

I will cherish the moments you gave me

and the feelings I felt inside

your life was not in vain

I will never forget the soul

I didn’t get the chance to know.

Written 16 March 2005

Going through with my abortion was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. It was so hard to go against what I believed. I never minded someone else having an abortion but I just thought if I was ever in that position, I would have to have the baby. I did not agree with abortion for myself except of cause if I was raped or medical reasons which meant it was the best thing for the unborn child. I think this is why I gave myself such a hard time and found it so hard to deal with the pain that came after the reality set in about what I had done. I do look back and often regret my decision but I can’t change the past and I have forgiven myself.