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I don’t know what to think

I don’t know how to understand

if I think I am a good person

why did I allow myself to kill you.

I wish I had you in my arms

I would rock you back to sleep

I would tell you nursery rhymes

I just want to hold you close.

How could I be so selfish

to put what I wanted in my life before yours

How dare I decide

that it is best for you to not live.

What if you were to be a doctor

and you were destined to save lives

What if you were to be a police officer

and to the public you were to protect and serve.

Who was I to take that from you

who was I to choose

for what I did

I will always feel regret

You should have had the chance

A chance to show the world

A chance to achieve your goals

A chance to show your soul

I miss the feeling you gave me

the space you filled inside

I wish I did not have to decide

I will always think of you

I will never forget what you gave me

I am sorry I broke that promise to you

But I hope you can forgive my actions

I hate myself for what I did.

Written 14 March 2005

I had an abortion, there I said it. This is something I am not proud of in fact I am ashamed of it, I was pretty young, yes I was in a relationship with the father but it wasn’t serious. We had to make a decision and right or wrongly we decided to abort and it is a decision I have to live with for the rest of my life. I don’t ever need anyone to judge me I do that enough all on my own.