I don’t know what to think
I don’t know how to understand
if I think I am a good person
why did I allow myself to kill you.
I wish I had you in my arms
I would rock you back to sleep
I would tell you nursery rhymes
I just want to hold you close.
How could I be so selfish
to put what I wanted in my life before yours
How dare I decide
that it is best for you to not live.
What if you were to be a doctor
and you were destined to save lives
What if you were to be a police officer
and to the public you were to protect and serve.
Who was I to take that from you
who was I to choose
for what I did
I will always feel regret
You should have had the chance
A chance to show the world
A chance to achieve your goals
A chance to show your soul
I miss the feeling you gave me
the space you filled inside
I wish I did not have to decide
I will always think of you
I will never forget what you gave me
I am sorry I broke that promise to you
But I hope you can forgive my actions
I hate myself for what I did.
Written 14 March 2005
I had an abortion, there I said it. This is something I am not proud of in fact I am ashamed of it, I was pretty young, yes I was in a relationship with the father but it wasn’t serious. We had to make a decision and right or wrongly we decided to abort and it is a decision I have to live with for the rest of my life. I don’t ever need anyone to judge me I do that enough all on my own.