Trying to sleep is hard
I feel guilt all around
I keep thinking of you
and the person you could have been.
A life was taken away
was ripped from getting to grow
I just wanted the best for you
I know I will be a good Mum
and Mike an amazing Dad
now was not the right time
but why then can’t I be glad.
A child should grow with the love
of both parents by their side
for unconditional love
with undivided attention
for when you speak your first word
for when you climb a tree
for when you ride your first bike
and then, for when you fall and scrape your knee
I wanted for you the best
and now at this time
it would not have been achieved.
I will cherish the moments you gave me
and the feelings I felt inside
your life was not in vain
I will never forget the soul
I didn’t get the chance to know.
Written 16 March 2005
Going through with my abortion was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. It was so hard to go against what I believed. I never minded someone else having an abortion but I just thought if I was ever in that position, I would have to have the baby. I did not agree with abortion for myself except of cause if I was raped or medical reasons which meant it was the best thing for the unborn child. I think this is why I gave myself such a hard time and found it so hard to deal with the pain that came after the reality set in about what I had done. I do look back and often regret my decision but I can’t change the past and I have forgiven myself.